You-everything and the void-you

This isn´t a story.

When Evelyn opened her eyes, there was smoke floating in the dark. The sound of forgetness became the most obsessive recurrence that had ever gone through her mind. The moon has soon turned dreadful and her alley blossomed with this mulch she couldn´t stand the lisp. She´d foul her club foot with trickes of venom with every step she took, defiled her righteous mind with all sorts of thoughts against the whole human..breed.
¨I channeled all of my fears somewhere else, it´s as if I left my body, my heart, and everything. It´s just beating there for the sake of rhythm and habit..Maybe I should give it to someone who´d really use it for happiness. This fear must have been always wedged inside of me, it just didn´t come out. All is going on there..in his very existence, his world, his universe. And maybe he wants to forget..which would kill me twice.¨

- Damn Evelyn, what are you thinking of?
It was actually the middle of the day, and the girl was in school with some of her friends. All there, like a collective nobody.
¨Nothing.¨
- Hey Evelyn, you´re thoughtful. What´s on your mind?
Her friend was worried, or curious, or making conversation. However..

She flinched, ¨Didn´t I actually SAY *NOTHING*?¨
All she answered was a ¨Hmmm..¨, then she looked down at her feet. Perfect. And there was the sun up there, her shoes were clean as new. The trees were still leavy, none of the leaves have fallen yet. She couldn´t breathe, all of a sudden.
- Hey guys, I need to get cigarettes.
¨Life needs to be..I just don´t recognize this emasculated time..out of the feeling of being alive, a time spent in tears and gross excess, trying to fill up this emptiness with tobacco, alcohol, sleepless nights, hallucinations, agonic music..cold baths, shocking paintings..and what not.¨

¨Love is such a selfish feeling. I should have never talked to him again. I still wonder what made me.. was it the same thing that made him go away? Or was it that Something that made him hide somewhere where I could see him..On and on, but what I know is that the journey flayed me to the bones.¨

And today I´m happily reading this.